Building Rapport with Personal Conversation
November 17th, 2009
One of the most important things to do in an interview is to build rapport. I led a session last week at AYE, focused on conversations (not specifically interviews). One of the more memorable things I said is that you need to be personal but not intimate.
A participant asked, “What is personal but not intimate?” I explained that personal is about you, and intimacy is something you might see or do in the shower. (Ok, that was not one of the most articulate explanations I’ve ever given. You get 5 minutes to laugh and then please keep reading.)
The problem with small talk is that it’s not personal. “How about those Red Sox” or talking about the weather is something we could do with a complete stranger. But sharing little anecdotes from your life is personal. “I returned to gym yesterday morning after a three-week travel period. I’m surprised I’m not sore today.” That’s personal. Many of us have felt the soreness of pushing too hard when we start our regular workouts again. Some of us have felt guilty about not being sore–did I push hard enough yesterday? That’s a personal comment that allows us to build rapport. It may not be the right topic of conversation. But it’s a start, and suggests a topic for the other person.
If you have a minute or two of rapport-building talk, you’ve set the stage for a successful conversation, whether that is an interview or any other conversation.
Entry Filed under: interview
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4 Comments Add your own
1. Twitted by johannarothman&hellip | November 17th, 2009 at 10:55 am
[...] This post was Twitted by johannarothman [...]
2. AYE 2009: People, process&hellip | November 19th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
[...] learned the value of building rapport, of connecting on a personal level with someone. Without rapport, you’ll struggle to get to [...]
3. Neil Murphy | November 21st, 2009 at 9:08 pm
True sometimes but not always. When you are in a customer supplier role that kind of approach can be seen as a ‘technique’ by experienced people and put their backs up.
if you used a comment like the one mentioned to me it would not break the ice, but irritate.
So I believe you need a toolbox of techniques to be applied judiciously when you understand your colleagues / customers. That kind of rapport tends to come after you have worked together a little and know and trust each other, it then becomes social grooming.
I built up a close rapport with a group of customers recently only AFTER I had shown I could deliver some value and had established credibility.
Of course, different cultures have different attitudes, I am from and in Britain and its true we are somewhat more reserved than Americans (I lived in the US for four years as well).
4. Hiring Technical People &&hellip | January 7th, 2010 at 8:50 am
[...] interviews do not surprise people. Good interviews build rapport with a candidate, learn about a candidate, preferably with behavior-description questions and [...]
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